We grow up believing caregivers are supposed to nurture, protect, and guide us. They’re meant to be the people who help us feel safe. But sometimes, the person who holds that role becomes the source of fear, confusion, and emotional harm.
Netflix’s Unknown Number: The High School Catfish brings this truth to the surface — harm isn’t always inflicted by strangers. Often, it’s woven quietly into the relationships we depend on most.
This is where toxic caregiving comes in. And for many people, naming it is the first step toward healing.
What Is Toxic Caregiving?
Toxic caregiving happens when someone in a caregiving role — often a parent — uses their authority to manipulate, shame, control, or emotionally destabilize the very person they’re responsible for protecting.
It rarely looks like “movie-style abuse.”
More often, it’s subtle. It’s wrapped in phrases like:
- “I’m just worried about you.”
- “I know what’s best.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
Toxic caregiving hides behind concern while eroding self-worth.
Common Signs of Toxic Caregiving
Here are some patterns that often show up:
1. Boundary Violations Disguised as Care: They check your phone, intrude on your privacy, or dictate who you can talk to — all under the claim of “protecting you.”
2. Fear, Guilt & Emotional Manipulation: Criticism, threats, guilt trips, or explosive reactions become tools to control your behaviour.
3. Shifting Responsibility: You’re made to feel responsible for their emotions, their stress, or even their outbursts.
4. A Split Image: They appear supportive, kind, and charming to others — but behind closed doors, the dynamic is completely different. Even when these behaviours seem small or inconsistent, they can profoundly undermine a person’s sense of safety and identity.
How Toxic Caregiving Impacts Survivors
Growing up in this environment reshapes how you see yourself and how you move through relationships.
Many survivors describe:
- Difficulty trusting others
- Chronic self-doubt or internalized shame
- A pattern of people-pleasing or over-functioning
- Avoiding conflict at all costs
- Challenges setting boundaries
- Feeling responsible for others’ comfort or emotions
These aren’t flaws.
These are learned survival strategies — brilliant adaptations to an unsafe caregiving environment.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing from toxic caregiving is not about blaming yourself or “getting over it.”
It’s about reclaiming the parts of yourself that were silenced.
Therapy often focuses on:
1. Naming the Harm: Acknowledging that what happened was harmful — even if your caregiver “meant well.”
2. Rebuilding Self-Trust: You learn to believe your own perceptions again and tune into your internal cues rather than overriding them.
3. Practicing Boundaries: Healthy boundaries become a form of emotional protection, not punishment.
4. Reclaiming Identity: You begin crafting a life that reflects your values, not the ones imposed on you.
This work is tender and courageous — and it’s absolutely possible.
My Recommendations as a Therapist
If you grew up with a toxic caregiver, please hear this clearly:
Your reactions make sense.
Your patterns make sense.
And none of this is your fault.
Here’s where I encourage clients to start:
- Name the behaviour — not to shame, but to understand.
- Reconnect with your inner voice — the one you learned to silence.
- Set small, steady boundaries — to rebuild your sense of safety.
- Separate your identity from your caregiver’s expectations.
- Use therapy as a grounding space — a place to process the past, explore patterns, build emotional resilience, and reconnect with your truth.
You deserve care that feels safe and supportive — not conditional, controlling, or fear-based.
If This Resonates With You, You’re Not Alone. Healing from toxic caregiving is a process of coming home to yourself. You don’t have to navigate that journey unsupported. If you’re ready to explore this work at your pace, with culturally sensitive, trauma-informed support, I’m here to help.
